We all have them. While I would like to pretend that I wake up every day feeling good and ready to go, the reality is, that some days are hard. Some days, it is a struggle just to get out of bed and accomplish the bare necessities that are required to keep things going on our small homestead.
Those are my bad days. More specifically, those are my bad mental health days.
There will always be stressors to face and uncomfortable emotions to deal with. When these are left unchecked and unmanaged, they tend to accumulate. My once small molehill turns into a mountain and this may cause me some real difficulty controlling how I act, think, or feel.
Some days, I simply go back to bed. On others, I force myself to get up and be active. Although there is no right answer that will fit everyone’s needs, there are different strategies that I have found helpful when it comes to dealing with these days.
Admit to the problem
In most cases, people will tell you that the first step is admitting you have a problem.
This is absolutely, 100% true.
If I am not able to hold myself accountable and be self-aware, there’s no way I’m getting anywhere near solving any issue. If I can’t even acknowledge that something is wrong, then I have effectively halted any progress to a stand-still.
While mental health is still surrounded somewhat by taboo, there really is no shame in struggling. We live in a world full of diverse people who have varying experiences. Unfortunately, not all of these experiences are good or beneficial. Sometimes, our experiences or the people we encounter help shape our views in a way that may negatively impact our outlook.
I have always had anxiety. Some of it is learned and some of it is genetic. Once I accepted that my anxiety was directly affecting my life, I knew I would have to find ways to cope and manage if I wanted to be healthy.
Talk About it
The first thing I do when I know I’m having a bad mental health day is tell my husband. I don’t expect him to solve my problems for me, or even make the day any better. Instead, I’m doing him the courtesy of giving him a heads-up.
On those days, every load feels heavy. I may not respond in proportion to the context of a problem. There have been times when a simple decision, like what to make for dinner, has made me break down and cry.
If my husband doesn’t know what’s going on, my behavior is going to seem bizarre and, honestly, kind of dramatic. If I take the time to talk to him and let him know that I am struggling, he is way more understanding.
He also knows that, on those days, he may have to cover more than his usual load. It’s not always fair and I’m sure there are instances where it has made schedule a lot more difficult to manage. However, we both entered our marriage knowing that life is a series of seasons. Some days, he will do 80 percent of the work and I will do 20. On rare occasions, I’ve carried the workload 100 percent because he’s been away or sick.
Is it hard? Absolutely. Is it easier to support someone when you know what’s going on? Unequivocally.
Reorganize your day (if you can)
If my anxiety is high because I’m tired (I have a child that has a real hate relationship with sleep) I know there’s a good chance that, with a little more rest, I can bounce back.
If it happens on one of the days I work outside my home, I just have to suck it up. But, if it is on a day when I have control of my schedule, you can bet that everything is going to be bumped to the afternoon.
This means that, sometimes, I’m gardening at night or I’m doing the bulk of my writing sitting by a kid I’m praying desperately won’t wake up. However, I do better work when I feel better. The quality of what I do is just as important as what I do.
Spend time with someone you love
Sometimes, all I need is someone to help take my mind off of things. When my mental health is suffering, I tend to only want my own company and avoid interacting with people who I feel I may ultimately burden.
This really just does me a huge disservice. Instead of talking with my friends or family, people who may be able to identify or commiserate, I get stuck ruminating on my own feelings and unhealthy thought patterns.
Believe it or not, this isn’t productive. Now, when I start pin-pointing a shift in my mood, I call one of my friends or go visit my sister. Not only do they provide me with a distraction, but they almost always lend their love and support which is often enough to make my day a little better.
Practice mindfulness
If your particular issue is anxiety, you know that part of your problem is focusing too much on the future or the disaster-potential of every decision. What if we lose our jobs? How we will pay our bills? Will everything we have accomplished on this homestead account for nothing when we can’t pay for it? Should I go back to work fulltime to ensure that doesn’t happen?
A certain amount of caution is never a bad thing. However, when it causes stress and, often unlikely scenarios to play out in your brain, it’s time to shift your focus from the future to the present.
By being mindful, and paying more attention to the moments you are in, you become more aware of yourself and your surroundings. Not only does this help stop racing thoughts, but it also cultivates a mindset of gratitude.
When I wake up and feel like I am in a “mood” I will take the time to notice what I see, hear, or smell. Maybe I see the sunshine in the window, hear the birds chirping, or smell my husband making breakfast. These are all things that I am lucky to witness and grateful to experience.
Recognize what you have accomplished
It doesn’t have to be anything big. Sometimes, the most we can say we achieved, is simply waking up in the morning and checking our email.
The point is to acknowledge that you are trying. By keeping a mental list of what you have accomplished, every step you take becomes easier. My first step is getting out of bed. Getting out of bed makes it easier to take a shower, taking a shower makes me feel better about going to work.
Your accomplishments can be like an avalanche. With a little momentum, one can lead to another, can lead to another.
Set yourself up for a good day tomorrow
I think we can all agree that some days just can’t be salvaged. It happens. No matter how much we try, or how many steps we take to turn it around, sometimes you just have to chalk a day up as a loss.
When this happens, I don’t beat myself up or throw up my hands in defeat. Instead, I will make an effort to set my tomorrow up to be more successful.
This can be as simple as setting out my clothes, drinking enough water, or going to bed early to ensure that I get an adequate amount of rest. The point being, that I am extending myself enough care and effort to break the negative cycle that I am in.
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