The holidays are hard. Even though I consider myself someone who is content with their life, I often find myself struggling when November rolls around. The days are shorter, darker, and I spend more time inside than preferred.
This year has been especially difficult. Since we have family members who are immunosuppressed, we have chosen to spend the holidays by ourselves. The Christmas season, which has been my all-time, favorite holiday, has turned into a pale shadow of what it used to be.
I try to do my best to ensure that my mood doesn’t affect the rest of my family, but there are definitely times when I feel as though I am failing. The worries start to stack up. Do we have enough money for our mortgage, bills, and Christmas presents? Has being isolated away from people for so long negatively impacted our daughter’s social growth? Will we be stuck in quarantine with no way to make money? Can we ever catch a break from things breaking all of the time?
One of the hardest parts of digging myself out of these funks is, while I know they will happen, very rarely am I prepared. I know what I need to do and how to do it but prefer not to think about how my mental state fluctuates. When I have no energy to do anything, the thought of getting back on track seems daunting.
How can I be easier on myself?
A year ago, I saw a therapist who was pretty quick to point out that I am an “awfulizer.” My brain operates by working out the worst-case scenario in every situation and then assumes that will happen. Not only is it exhausting to think this way but, over time, it lowers my morale.
I also feel like I am wasting time if I am not working. I’m not sure where my compulsion to always be moving comes from but it’s hard for me to have lazy days. I feel guilty when I am not actively doing something
None of these ideologies are sustainable. Over a period of time, this will lead to exhaustion, burnout, and anxiety.
This year, instead of falling back into bad habits, I decided to make a self-care box that I can utilize when I start to feel down. This helps take the work out of bouncing back and gives my brain a break when I am feeling less than motivated.
What is in my self-care box?
Everyone’s box will be different, but it was important to me that my box include several key objects. It needed to include cozy, comforting items that I associate with relaxation. It also needed to provide a distraction to help me shift my focus and reframe my negative thinking.
Blanket
The first thing that I was quick to include was a soft blanket. Texturally, the feel is soothing but being warm also helps my body unwind. One of the first things I notice when I am stressed is that I am usually tense and sore. A lot of people carry stress in their shoulders/back and, over time, this can lead to tension headaches as well as issues with posture. A blanket is not only cozy, but a useful relaxation tool.
Lemon Balm
As humans, we often associate different scents with memories. One of my favorite scents is lemon balm. It reminds me of being in the garden in the summer as well as relaxing with a cup of tea. Since I grow this inside year around, it was easy enough to collect some leaves to dry in a sachet. This almost instantly helps to lift my mood but, since it is associated with positive memories, also forces me to stop dwelling on what may be depressing me in the moment.
Book
For a distraction, I included a book as that helps me divert and defocus. I considered putting a book I hadn’t read into the box but, honestly, I knew I wouldn’t be able to only read the book in short increments. Instead, I used Pride and Prejudice. Not only have I read it a dozen times, but I knew I would enjoy going back and rereading one of my old favorites.
Candle
Fluorescent lighting drives me insane, so a candle was placed in my box to be used for ambiance. Historically, the harsh lighting has given me migraines and puts me more in mind of working in an office than relaxing. Candlelight is soothing and easier on the eyes. You can even choose a scent you like to help create a more comforting environment.
Positive Affirmations
While I am a naturally optimistic person, showing grace to myself is not a strong point. I put a notebook of positive affirmations in my box that I can read through to remind myself to look at my strengths. It’s easy to get wrapped up in negative thinking and focus on what may be lacking in your character. I make sure to jot down any positive attributes I may think of at random. My notebook is nowhere near full, but it does provide me with a starting point when I need to refocus.
Making a self-care box
As we enter the new year, I am more aware that I need to make a plan for when life gets hard. 2020 took me completely by surprise and, honestly, I really didn’t cope with the hardships we faced in the healthiest ways.
This year, I am not taking my mental health for granted. I am going to strive to be prepared for any problems that may come. While I know, sometimes, life will be hard, by having a self-care box I will be taking a step to make coping with issues just a little bit easier.
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